Lessons found in our pain!

Music always speaks to me. I love music and KLOVE is on all the time in the car unless Jaxson requests his toddler tunes. :)
These lyrics are from Laura Story's "Blessings". The entire song resonates in my heart and at times starts the tears, but here is the chorus:
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

It's tough to think that Madison's death is somehow good, but I think that's the hard truth. That's the truth that comforts when the pain gets too hard to bear. That's the truth that sometimes forces more tears and more questions. But that's the truth. Truth isn't always easy to accept, but it's impossible to deny. God is molding and shaping our lives. He is using us to encourage and support each other.

The "baby doctor" was sharing with Mike and I at our last appointment about "your innocence is gone". Those were thoughts I hadn't put into words and hearing those words brought up a well of pain in my heart that in turn started the flood gate of tears. It's been a while since I just let the tears flow. Most days I feel good and at peace with our circumstances. There is the occasional teary eyes when Jaxson talks about missing his sister and still asks very sweet questions about her. But I haven't really felt like I needed to sit and cry. Until at the "baby doctor" of all places. But she's really great and super supportive. I guess it just felt safe to me?

I've started reading "Room of Marvels". It's a book we received from friends the February after Madison passed away. So far it kind of feels like "The Shack" but I'm still in the beginning of the story so we'll see. The part I read yesterday kind of eluded to the fact that God doesn't allow things to happen for us, things in this life happen for Him and for His purposes. He sees the big picture, the eternal picture. We see only what effects our little piece of our world. And when we feel like God isn't listening and we don't get what we want, we question God's love and God's attention "to me". Like a 2-year-old that needs our attention and help now, we throw a temper tantrum explaining to God over and over in case He's not hearing us. But that's truly not the case. God does hear the cries of our hearts and does care. He has the eternal in mind, our eternal in mind. As the author of the book says, if it's not this situation, it will be something else that could pull you away from God. At some point, you're not going to get what you want...so what do you do then??